Alex
- I'll tell you what I told my last child, "Just look inside my pants, man."
- I'm pretty good at counting.
Brian
- I like my women like I like my cheesecake: with a bottom made out of graham cracker crumbs.
- I like my women like I like my underwear: edible.
- I want to count your clitoris.
- Wanna have a flumber party?
- You could totally kneel and pee in that bathroom.
- You know what it means when you lose to me at Mario Kart: four hours of blow jobs.
- There's no 'L' in 'bottle.'
- I wanna be the man.
- I crossed out the 's,' asshole.
- That's the proverbial Mitch; the Mitch within all of us.
- I like my women like I like my duct tape: easy to tear.
- I heard a foul stench.
- Hello. Please leave a message in my vagina.
- Bachelorette #1, you are a Vietnamese prostitute.
- I like my women like I like my trucks: with lots of junk in the trunk.
Dan
- I like my women like I like my dyke--
- No man can make a woman feel quite like God [can make her feel].
- Some may call me black, but generally I glisten.
Jason
- I don't even use toilets. I just go, ya know?
- I'm a role model, god dammit!
- Tits? What was the inflection, good tits or bad tits?
- Gonorrhea is more like a badge of honor.
- Blame hereditary!
- Number Big Fuck!
- Quick! Keep mooning!
- There's a lemon in my nut!
- Son of a cock stain!
- Mother fuck me!
- I'd name my dildo Stan.
- Hobo power! Hobo power!
- I take a dump, and it's a potato!
- Dude, you can't hit a guy while his ass is in the air.
Jen
- Esopho-fart!
Joey
- I like my women like I like my androids: well-lubricated.
Karen
- All you are to me is another thing I can run over.
- There's broken chalk here; there must have been a pre-Mitch.
- I shove food up my butt and piss out my mouth now.
- It was just your thing on my leg.
- [guessing Lexi's charades] Mitch humps the baby mother with the bottle penis.
- I like my men like I like my balloons: they make me talk funny when I suck them.
- The bananas were being attacked by us.
- I like my men like I like my cigarettes; sucking on them is relaxing.
- Would you get off my underwear?!
- I'm Mitch's Head Bitch.
Kevin
- I like my women like I like my hole in the ceiling: smarter than me.
- I like my women like I like my cowbell: wide open on bottom.
- I like my women like I like my paper airplanes: they can fly.
Lexi
- I like my women like I like my new car: hybrid.
- It's funner to eat things on a stick.
- Once you eat children, it blackens it; you are my sunshine.
- If it's pointy, it'll come out easier!
- I didn't break it, gravity broke it.
- You know what desks are really good for? Pussy farts!
- I'm gonna go back to Karen's boobies.
- Holy shit! You got a dick in there?!?
- Nobody fingers us like Karen.
- That would be Matt. Did he show you his balls?
- You're gonna make my t-shirt wet and reveal my secret!
- I like my women like I like my fluorescent lights: they don't turn off when you come on them.
- I like my women like I like my garbage bags: put them on the curb and they'll take them away.
- I like my women like I like my overhead projectors: nobody knows how to work them right.
- [on Jen] No! She has really really fucking gargantuan tits!
- I can't believe you fucking forgot I'm allergic to flowers... I mean roses.
- [to Katy] Somebody's a whiney whiner!
- I like my women like I like my pasta: you know they're done when they stick to the wall.
- I like my women like I like my moth: confused when you turn out the light.
- I go up, you go down. That's how it works!
- I like my women like I like my drapes: with people hiding in them -- with their shoes sticking out of the bottom.
- I like my women like I like my bleach: keeping my clothes white.
- I like my men like I like my bleach: sterilized.
- I like my women like I like my bleach: Momma's got the magic!
- I like my women like I like my foam: stuffed in my couch.
- Does Eminem really belong on your tits, Karen?
- I like my women like I like my fortune tellers; making Tom Hanks Big.
- I like my women like I like my cartoon characters; without pants.
- I like my women like I like my apples; granny.
- I like my women like I like my computers; free and handed down from my father.
Mitch
- That's attack foof!
- I like my women like I like my underwear: with a little hole I can stick my dick through.
- I like my women like I like my underwear: crotch less.
- Those things can't breathe in milk!
- I didn't even know I had a pickle!
- One in six wins my ass?
- Super Jew!
- There's no squirt involved at all! If you're squirting you're doing it wrong!
- I like my women like I like my paper airplanes: their nose gets all bent up when they hit the wall a few times.
- I like my women like I like my duct tape: stuck to my mouth.
- There's nothing better than a dead baby.
- Is his face as big as his head?
- My mother's Jewish.
- I would make out with my sister, I'll tell you that.
- Way to fuck my mom! Let's get us a lizard, man!
- I nest.
- I like my women like I like my cereal: deep in the box, there's a toy.
- I can't figure out the pen!
- There's a lot of wood in a gym.
- Gyms, like many buildings, are made of wood.
- I like my women like I like my popcorn; sold at the circus.
- I like my women like I like my lampshades; wrapped around my bulb.
- I like my women like I like my mittens; I can get all four fingers in one hole.
- I like my women like I like my apples; with a juicy worm inside.
- Was I just raped?
Nathaniel
- Just because I'm eastern European and hairy doesn't mean I'm bad in the sack.
- You gotta watch out for those Goombas. They hit ya and then ya jump up in the air and fall through the earth straight to hell!
Rob
- Have a screw.
- I like my women like I like my cap and gown: you get to flip the tassel when you graduate.
- I like my women like I like my chickens: all breast meat.
- I like my women like I like my Karen: acting like 12-year-old Japanese school girls.
- I like my women like I like my fluorescent lights: it only takes 15 seconds to warm them up.
- I like my women like I like my garbage bags: easy to fill up.
- I like my women like I like my trucks: on all fours.
Scott
- I like my women like I like my cheesecake: with a clown's face buried in it.
- I like my women like I like my cowbell: being played by a first grader.
Tim
- I like my women like I like my kaleidoscope; you can make your own at hoe with a toilet paper tube and glass beads.
- I like my women like I like my cigarettes; occasionally I put the wrong end in my mouth.
- I like my women like I like my mosquitoes; it's satisfying when you smack them and blood comes out.
- I like my women like I like my turkeys; they're always better after they've been stuffed.
- ..So it'll make my last minute pleasurable till I splat with a duck in my crotch.
- I like my women like I like my horseys; it's always better when wearing chaps.
- I like my women like I like my PDA; I would never get one on my own, but if I see one discarded on the street I'll take it.
- I like my women like I like my hair accessories; the ones that are missing a few teeth are just as good.
- Does the A-Team stand for the Ass Rammin' Team?
- I like my women like I like my tanks; no matter how many times you shoot at them, they keep coming.
- I like my women like I like my deodorant; my body heat turns them on.
- I like my women like I like my popcorn; great to munch on at the movies.
- I like my women like I like my wallets; I can keep an extra condom in there.
- Who's got the gavel!?!
- Chairs are tricky to manage.
- I like my women like I like my lampshades; they always at the end up on my head when I'm drunk at a party.
- I like my women like I like my grandparents; underground.
- Man, my uterus is flyin'!
Zimos
- I like my women like I like my cameras; flashing me.